The Most Common Parent Trap

I think that one of the wildest traps we fall into as parents, is this obsession with not wanting to harm our babies psychologically. I mean we literally tie our own hands with wanting to do everything absolutely right while we know that this is not even humanly possible… 

We all have our own “issues” with which we have become familiar over the years. Some of them we think were caused by personal choices and experiences, others we refer to our parents and our upbringing methods… In both cases, there is this little voice in the back of our heads that tells us, “don’t let your child go through the same thing”, as if it is possible for us to protect our children from life itself…

Every decision we make regarding the education of our little ones is echoed by this voice. Sometimes it goes beyond logical reason down to natural protective animal instinct. “I don’t want my child to hate me”, “I don’t want my child to feel abandoned”, “I want my child to be self secure”, “I want my child to have good self-confidence” are the most common ghost phrases that often haunt parents. 

And as we let ourself sink deeper in this obsessive mentality, we find we are completely losing control. And instead of stiring the family boat to a secure and safe shore, we get drifted by the illogical waves and courants of culpability and guilt and watch our children grow as if they were raised by strangers who do not look like our old determined selves anymore.

I know it’s hard not to fall into this trap. I’ve been watching myself fall into it gradually over the few last days, becoming so obsessed over what is missing that a whole day went by during which I forgot to make my daughter laugh even once…

Forget about perfection, there are no perfect parents. We are going to make mistakes and that is it! The important thing is not to fall into indifference and neglect and stay as invested as we can in our children’s education and wellbeing.  

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